The Do-Over
I had the craziest dream last night. I dreamed there was this string attached to my tongue, and no matter what I did, I couldn’t pull the stupid thing out: it just kept growing and growing! Try as I might, it still kept coming. I would cut it and keep pulling, but I could never get to the end of the source. Weird. Creepy, actually. I woke up thinking about this dream, and thinking that maybe I could learn something from it, or maybe I was thinking about something so much that I just dwelt on it the whole night in my subconcious.
I think I know what it is: it’s the longing for a do-over. You know what I mean: like when you are playing golf and you totally screw up the shot, you give yourself a do-over. Or when you are shooting hoops and you totally mess it up, you give yourself a do-over. Or if you are Christal, and you are playing tennis with your husband, you often serve the ball and then frustrate him because you beg for a do-over!
How much different would life be if we could all take a do-over every now and then? Like the ‘get out of jail free card’ in Monopoly-you don’t deserve it, but you get it anyways. There are countless moments in my life where I wish I could just snap my fingers and get a do-over: when my mouth runs away on me (daily), when I get busted for speeding (annually), when I forget an important appointment (weekly), when I wish I would have been wiser with my money (my whole life) or when I wish I could get the time back and have done something different with it.
However, a do-over only seems to exist in the pretend world. Life is about taking responsibility for my actions and determining who I choose to be no matter where I find myself. Sometimes I can beat myself up for hours or days, when I think about something stupid that I said or did. I can even blush when I recall something years later, because I just wish I could have done things differently. I am a public speaker. I am on a stage continually, and no matter how often I step up there, when I get down and walk away, there is that vulnerable moment where I wished I would have done something different, or I wonder what people are thinking. It can be emotional hell just wondering if you are going to be loved by the audience and if they are going to be affected by what you say. Many moments, walking down those steps and away from the platform, I wish for a do-over.
But alas, this is not reality. Do-overs only exist in childhood games and cheating golfers - it is not how life really works. In some ways, reality is better than make believe, because we can choose the do-over before it needs to be done. When I think about what the world would be like if we took this approach, it is a beautiful picture: slavery wouldn’t exist because people would have enough foresight to realize that exploitation in any form only causes deeper rooted problems the longer it is left unchecked. Injustice wouldn’t have the same weight, because we would realized that the only way for there to be true peace is by truth and justice. The simplest of all acts, forgiveness, would eliminate wars and allow children to grow old. And the greatest of gifts, friendship, would never be jeopardized, because we would realize that friends always choose to prefer each other and that love covers over a multitude of sins…
Today is Monday, and I just got back from an awesome early morning run with my friend, Nettie. I actually hauled myself out of bed and kept a commitment to something that I know I need to be doing. It feels good to be wide awake and not lying in bed, staring at the clock and wishing for a do-over. At this time of the day, life can seem quite clearly laid out before you, and you can stay objective about what the day can hold. I wish that I was always this clear-headed, but I think it might be the caffeine that I am currently ingesting, to be honest with you! The best part is that so far, I am not yet wishing for any do-overs…yet.